Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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