..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
