The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We had to coat check the pizza.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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