Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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