walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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