he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize