I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
