she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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