have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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