I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
