I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
