He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
