Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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