Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Randomize
