i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
