I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
