How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
