He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
