Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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