would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
