did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My ass is underappreciated
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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