I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize