I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
