I CAN MOONWALK!
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
