Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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