I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
