Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
