i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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