i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
