if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
