I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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