i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
