My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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