She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
