I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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