Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We left an ass print on the piano.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
