some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
