Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
