if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
