Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

I am in shape. i keep telling you that.

(1-313): View more from Michigan

Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."

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(561): View more from Florida

I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.

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(214): View more from Texas

dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!

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(613): View more from Ontario

She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.

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(309): View more from Illinois

Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.

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(217): View more from Illinois

When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.

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(801): View more from Utah

And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.

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