Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
