trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
