so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
