but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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