He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
