There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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