Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
