i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
