And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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