Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
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