exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
