Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
