when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
