i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
