watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
