thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
