She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
