I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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