Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
