Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
