i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
