4 words: hood of his car
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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