He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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