You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
