I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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