I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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