You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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