Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
