Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
