I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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