6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
