i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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