I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
What a dumb baby whore.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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