UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
