I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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