She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
