I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
