I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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