You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize