Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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