i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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