Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
