I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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