Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
