I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
