my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
