Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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