Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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