My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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