I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
