we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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