THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
