When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
