I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
