maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
