i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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