Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
smell my finger.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
