hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
