if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
