I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
