he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
