I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
