I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I came so hard my ears popped.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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