I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
