I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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