Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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