Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
