let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's never too late to be topless.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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