Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
