I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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