If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
