dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
sex in a hospital.. check
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
