Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I wear drunk well.
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