Life is so much better after having sex.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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