I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
